First post!!
Since no one is really ever going to read this, besides myself, I don't really feel the need to explain who I am and what sort of background I come from or all of that crap. I can even curse as much as I fucking want to! Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck! PISS!
... Ahem.
Anyway. I never know what to write on my first post... Like everyone always feels that obligation to say, "Liek omfg, I'm amy, I'm 20 years old and I have a vagina!!!" Type of thing. Yeah, I have the urge to say it, but I don't really feel it necessary. Meh, I'll probably end up posting a survey or something later on down the road, that has all of those stupid "About Me" questions.
I just don't feel like explaining myself to you. Yes, you, whoever you are that's reading my post (because I deffinately don't know you), I don't particularly owe you anything. To you, I am just another random person in this world that you just happened to cross paths with in cyberspace. You don't owe anything to me, so I feel that I equally owe nothing to you.
That being said, I will start my rant of the night.
I'm currently involved with someone who has a girlfriend. His name is Jeff, and he's two years older than I am. We have known each other since December of '08, possibly before then, but until then I never actually had any interest in who he was. He joined my volly ambulance core as a probationary member, and thats what he was: a probie to be easily overlooked to me. The first time I talked to him was to apologize for the fact that my sugarglider had peed on him. I would have been happy to leave it at that.
Such wasn't the case, because it turns out he wouldn't leave me the fuck alone after that. Constantly badgering me with questions, throwing stuff at me, you know: acting like a fifth grader tailing the teacher he has a crush on. The worst part is, I'm not the training officer; far from it. But he was "intimidated" by the T.O. and therefore took a liking to annoying the shit out of me.
Don't get me wrong, it took a week or two for me to warm up to him, but once I did, things took off like crazy. We became fast friends, joking and laughing and making fun of other people. We have very similar personalities, in that we are both crazy retarded silly, seriously sarcastic, and have a comment for just. about. EVERYTHING. We are both pretty perverted, and love to scream "That's what she said!" whenever the opportunity arises. Now our weekly ritual is to hang out at the squad on Thursday nights, creating a ruckus whenever we can. He never used to stay any longer than his alloted six hour duty shift, but lately he has been spending more and more time after hours, and announces that he is leaving shortly after I do the same.
About a month and a half ago, he and I were texting when I got frustrated and told him to sign onto his computer. (My area of town has really shit cell service.) We got to talking, and eventually it came out that he wanted to "do" me. Apparently he'd been wanting to fuck the shit out of me for a while. I'm pretty oblivious to these things, so imagine my surprise when everyone at my core knew before I did. Imagine now how I felt when I realized then that, yeah, I wanted him too. I knocked him down right away, as much as I hated to do so. I told him I was flattered, but I didn't want to be "the other woman". Been there, done that, and didn't feel like having karma come back and bite me in the ass. We continued to be friends, just like we always had.
Except that in the back of my mind, I was starting to develop feelings. Yes, those wretched things that attach you to people by invisible tethers. I was certainly physically attracted to him, but now I wanted the emotional part too. I wanted what his girlfriend already had. But my morals said no. So I continued to hide from him the fact that what I was feeling for him was more than friendship. Around the same time as my feelings started, other small things changed the dynamic of our friendship. Our hugs became prolonged, and he started telling me I smelled amazing (which he never really had before). He would plop onto the couch I was sitting and proceed to put his head in my lap, telling me I was more comfortable than the other selection of girls he had to choose from. I never egged him on, but I never discouraged any of this either.
Then, a week ago I didn't go down to the core on Thursday like I normally would. I stayed home, doing other stuff that needed doing (translation: I was playing an MMORPG called Mabinogi). He texted me with a sad face and asked where I was. I told him I was home with no intention of getting my ass off of my bed and out the door to go anywhere. He sent me another sad face. I told him that if he wanted to see me, he had to come stop by, or else it would be another week before we hung out again. So, shortly after midnite, he showed up at my house. I walked outside in my pajama pants and my hoodie and sneakers, not really giving a shit how I looked. I jumped in his car 'cause it was cold, and we started talking. First it was the usual name calling, poking-fun at my accent, you're-an-asshole-I'm-a-retard sort of stuff. I forget how we got into it, but eventally we started talking about his girlfriend and relationships and pretty much went into sex, what kind of stuff we were into, what turns us on, and all that fun stuff. I forget most of the conversation now, but I remember him asking me a really embarassing question of me. When I told him I wasn't going to answer it, he said, "Oh, c'mon Amy! I told you a month ago I really want to bang you. We talk about everything. How can you not tell me, especially after this entire conversation??!"
I stared at him for a second, and then made that sort of choking "I-can't-believe-you-are-making-me-answer-this" noise.
"I can't believe you! I'm not telling you that because I like you. True-blue-bonified like you, like LIKE you, like I have feelings for you. You asshole." (I tend to talk like a valley girl when I'm flustered and nervous.)
His turn to stare at me. "Wait, what?"
"Don't tell me it's not obvious that I like you."
"Dude, I really had no idea until just now, when you just said that."
"....Bullshit."
"No lie. Wow."
"Double wow."
The conversation continued into how it would turn into a constant battle between the two of us: getting each other so flustered, the other couldn't stand it anymore. I knew I could hold out much better than he could, so I took that challenge whole-heartedly.
Now, after that night, he constantly tells me to come over and cuddle with him, and the like. Asks me to make out with him and such. I always tell him no, because he has a girlfriend. Well, he and his friend Alfredo (Alf) were hanging out this past Sunday, and Jeff told me to stop by. So I did. He came outside to meet me, and as soon as I hugged him I smelled it. I pushed him away to arms length, holding on to his shoulders, looked at him and said, "You've been smoking pot!"
He giggled. He never giggles.
So I sniffed him again. "Yup, deffinately pot. You're high!" At this point he started shooshing me, giggling the entire time. I wanted to deck him right there. See, I come from a family FULL of cops. My dad and both of my brothers are cops, and therefore I have a reputation to uphold of being a very good girl. To this point, I never percieved Jeff as that kind of guy. It didn't bother me, I have other pothead friends, I was just shocked that he smoked at all. So I turned him around and marched him into his house and downstairs to his room in the basement, where I proceeded to find Alf high as a kite as well.
Not exactly my kind of night, babysitting two stoners, one of which was hanging all over me all night (Jeff), petting my hair and using my lap as a pillow and hugging me; the other, staring me up and down like I was some sort of piece of meat to be eaten.
I stayed until they were sober, at which point Jeff walked me out to my car. He proceeded to tell me that I had won our little contest; if he could have, he would have fucked me right on my car as we were standing there. So I looked at him for a minute, before making him pinkie promise that I had won.
Then I kissed him.
I know, so stupid, I know. We made out for a few seconds before he pulled back, bewildered. I smirked, turned to get into my car as I said good night, and before I knew it my car door was closed and I was pressed up against it, sandwiched between my Civic and Jeff. After another good few minutes of tongue lashing, I pushed him away, telling him to get into the house.
"Wait, wait wait. One thing: What the fuck?" was what he said as I pushed him.
"I couldn't resist, and I had to make sure you admitted defeat before I could do it. Now go before I want to keep this going!" With that I got into my car and left.
That was Sunday into Monday night. Monday into Tuesday night is a whole other part of the story... one I'm way to tired to tell right now.
I'm going to bed. Good night.
